I try to think of my next steps,
but different versions of me roar in my head.
I cannot force them into silence.
I try to ignore the noise
and focus on who I am becoming,
but even in stillness there is shouting—
a crowd inside my mind.
Yet beneath it all, I am not rushed.
Something deeper holds me steady.
I am not only conflict.
I am also preparation.
Not only war, but readiness for peace.
God, be present in this choosing.
Do not leave me to my divided self.
Be the still point in my turning,
the key to my release.
Smith Shine Poetry 
What a beautiful and deeply moving reflection. Your words capture the quiet struggle we all experience when the heart and mind pull in different directions. I was especially touched by the line, “I am not only conflict. I am also preparation.” What a powerful reminder that seasons of uncertainty are often preparing us for greater clarity.
Your closing prayer is both humble and hopeful, beautifully expressing the desire to find peace amid the inner noise.
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