The Graveyard

With the sound of a penny dropping I was hit by surprise. When I realised just why I love cemeteries so much, in particular a church with a graveyard on it's grounds. I was listening to Jordan Peterson talk about the works of the psychologist Carl Jung, when it did strike.

As a young boy I was running late one evening for my curfew, set by my Mother. Who was quite the disciplinarian. I lived across the road from a church. At the back of the church a friend and I were kicking a football againts it's tall sand stoned wall. It was upset when I checked the time. But I knew if I climbed the wall and ran across the church grounds it would only take me a minute or two to make it to my front door. Or I could walk around the block knowing I'd be fiffteen minutes late. Knowing my Mother the way I did I decided to climb the wall and run for it. My friend gave me a bunk up. I got to the top of the wall and jumped over. I noticed a headstone in the dark. Afraid I closed my eyes tightly and legged it. Also running wild was my imagination. As branches where scraping my face old flakey arms of the dead were swiping at me from behind every headstone. The wind was even whistling my name. Freddy, The Candyman and Micheal Myers all chasing me as my shins and knees were taking a good beating from what must've been resurrecting bones out to stop me. In my panic I made it to the main gates yards away now from my house. Yes they were locked. I scaled it like Spiderman and made it home with seconds to spare.

I swore to the writer I would not go into any cemetery again, day or night. I never wanted to scare myself that much again. Even saying I would be cremated when I died.

I witnessed alot of domestic violence during my childhood. It was a generally dusturbing time. I found it so hard to find peace, relaxing at all I found very difficult. I was later diagnosed ADHD and many other mental disorders in my young adult life. Most are now thankfully very much behind me.

I forget exactly what happened but I ran out of the house. It was a wintry morning, cold and frosty. I was wondering around aimlessly and I found myself at the back of the church again throwing stones over the wall. I remembered the graveyard. I was confused and annoyed at the time. And I wanted to do something brave. So I decided to climb the tall sand stoned wall again. I was fearful but I had to see this graveyard. I had something to proove to myself. I was getting closer to the top, fixed on my goal and there was no stopping me. I made it and jumped down. Looking up I was hit with a beautiful view of an old church with tunnel shaped wooden doors and white stone. The trees naked but charming. Crooked headstones frosted over, all looking white even the surrounding grass was white. The first time I can remember appreciating a view. I walked round reading the names on the headstones and working out the ages of dead people some only children. Full families even rested buried under some of them. There was a war memorial with a large concrete crucifix in the centre. I stared at Christ hanging there for some time. I spoke with him.

I was not scared, quite the opposite. I was relaxed I stood there and I can say happily, it was peaceful. I knew I wasn't suppose to be in there but I did not care. The things and people that terrfied me were not in these grounds. A little robin red breast kept following as I continued walking, like he knew something special was happening. We both did. I didnt know the word tranquillity back then but thats what it was. I was in a tranquil state. Mind, body, and spirit. Free from it all. An I loved it.

So looking where I least wanted to, I found my most valued treasure, peace. So now with the understanding I have of this psychologically, through listening to Peterson talk of Jung. I surely have to execute this way now in my adult life, consciously.

I cant walk past a church graveyard without taking a peek. My wife will tell you that. On our last country walk I took us through one, still so very peaceful for me. I just can't get enough.

You could say I'm dieing to get in there. And should they bury me when I'm gone, very well.

” That which you need will be found where you least want to look”. – Carl Jung.